Why Learn Filipino American History?
For our First Readers, Jen reflects on this month’s community engagement and curation of FAHM Resources. 💭
Note: Audio Commentary is exclusively available to our First Readers.
Here are our final week of FAHM recommendations!
Resources —
Filipino American Education
Filipino Americans make up one of the largest Asian American ethnic groups in the United States. They constitute the 2nd largest ethnic student group in Hawaii’s public schools and are one of the fastest-growing immigrant groups in our nation’s schools. Despite our large numbers, colonial past, and historical presence in the United States, Filipinos continue to be underrepresented in mainstream education, curriculum, and research. Educators have a responsibility to meet the academic needs of their Filipino Americans K-12 students. Representation and research on Filipino Americans can help promote academic achievement and students reach their fullest potential.
This site is a resource for educators to find Filipino curriculum, professional development, advocacy, and scholarship. Together, these resources show the importance of building a strong foundation of cultural identity and knowledge from curriculum and providing educators with the tools to incorporate diverse perspectives in their teaching. They also empower educators to dismantle inequitable systems through advocacy, policies, and scholarship. It is exciting to see the next generation of Filipino American students take charge of their own education and advocate for curriculum representation. The goal of this site is to share these Filipino American education resources so they are accessible and useful to diverse audiences.
Letter —
Have you ever wanted someone back when, really, you wanted your identity back?
Reader discretion advised: This letter contains strong language and touches on themes of infidelity, betrayal, and references to violence, which may be sensitive or triggering for some readers.
Dear Kozy,
If I could say one thing, it’s this: You ruined the Philippines for me.
Leading up to my trip to the Philippines, I was looking forward to everything about it: sharing my adoption documents with you; telling you my adventures over the phone while I was there; seeing your expression light up when I returned; feeling how much you’ve missed me in our reunion’s kiss . . .
Wondering if you ever looked up the English translation of “Mahal Kita” after I shyly told you so before my trip. When I ended every text with “Mahal Kita” during my trip. When I whispered it in your ear after you introduced me to your parents.
Instead, in our 2-hour argument, you said, “You knew I don’t speak your language. Why didn’t you just say it in English?”
My voice-my heart-cracked, as I replied, “I was trying to be playful and cute by telling you to look it up. I was never gonna force you to say it back. I just . . . wanted you to know how I felt about you.”
Like everything else in our relationship, you assumed.
You said, “It felt like you were trying to manipulate me into saying ‘I love you’ back.”
Because of those words-and countless other things in our relationship-sometimes I forget I spent 3 weeks in the Philippines with my best friend and birth family . . . because it’s overshadowed by the things you said or didn’t say. It’s overshadowed by your disinterest in my culture, since the beginning. It overshadows my every attempt to celebrate Filipino-American History Month: I had class presentations planned; Filipino souvenirs and traditional clothes to show off; training sessions mapped out for “Kali” classes I want to start; enthusiastic dives into Filipino language, history, and culture.
I had Instagram reels planned-but instead, the reel of our whole relationship fogs my vision . . As I sit there in my bedroom, staring at the wall, surrounded by clutter, overdue laundry, and an apartment cleaned enough to not overwhelm my roommate nor me.
Nothing feels worth celebrating anymore. It seemed to take forever for my friends to welcome me back from the Philippines. None of my co-workers seemed interested in celebrating Filipino-American History Month with our students. It took weeks to rally my friends to go watch the first Filipino film, THE FORGOTTEN ISLAND-and when we gathered, more than half of them canceled. We managed to see it eventually, but the first attempt only reminded me of all the times you made promises you couldn’t keep, canceling . . .
You fucked up our reunion from the Philippines. You fucked up our anniversary. You even fucked up our break-up, if there was ever such a concept. You fucked up my ability to celebrate the little things or the big things that mattered most to me. You fucked up my ability to trust anyone, especially anyone white. Even my own white comrades in solidarity. Nowadays, I can’t trust that my friends will commit to plans they’ve made. I can’t trust anyone with my Filipino identity. You always assumed I never respected your neurodivergence or your gender identity-but you never respected my Filipino identity, either.
You barely thought about it. You barely thought of me, for I was “out of sight, out of mind”.
You never respected me because you cheated on me. Your polycule-my friends-encouraged it. Our comrades in solidarity. Even to the very end, none of you still think it was cheating.
You couldn’t be there for me even in my darkest time. Instead, you worried about her trauma over mine during the protest. Nothing was worse than expecting your partner to comfort you-only for her to keep bringing up the person she cheated on you with-and then saying, “It’s better to be shot on the streets as a brown person than tortured in prison as a trans person.”
Those words fucked me up. You fucked me up-and I let you. And I am so mad at myself for letting you hurt me repeatedly for a whole year. The strong me I know always told others to turn away from conflict-avoidant, condescending, selfish, non-communicative cheaters. She would’ve realized this relationship wasn’t serious when she recognized your lack of texts, especially at the beginning. She would’ve broken up with you the moment you cheated back in January. After her last relationship, it took her a decade to become confident again-to trust anyone with her body and her heart-to fall so easily for the one personality she said she’d always dodge.
You fucked me up.
But worst of all, if there’s one thing I could say, it’s this:
I still love you. And hate you. And miss you.
I want my ating-ating necklace back.
I want you.
But I don’t want you back.
I want me back.
Love you always.
Sincerely,
Robbed
Thank you to everyone who celebrated Filipino American History Month with us! 💙❤️💛
Jen will return in November to read aloud letters inspired by real conversations with you for the Holiday Edition. 🎁
Every letter begins with one line: If I could say one thing...
Because sometimes one thing is all we need to take up a little more space. 💛
💌 P.S. Letter Submissions are open to our subscribers.
Remember to Vote on November 3rd!
Californians are currently voting upon 14 ballot propositions ranging from taxation (4 props), elections (4 props), housing (3 props), a rainy-day fund, bonds for immunology research and Prop 44, an attack on nonprofit community health centers.
Our Voter Guide was developed by our Filipina/x/o students, young adults and working families. While we attempted to capture the range of views that were expressed and shared, our Guide is not representative of the broader Filipina/x/o American community and we hope everyone also does their own research.
— LEAD Filipino
